Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I went to see my therapist yesterday.  All sorts of things came up. I can only imagine what you two are going through right now.  I understand why you aren’t reaching out to me.  It took me 14 years before I realized your mother was controlling me.  Actually, I allowed her to control me. The fault was mine. It will likely take you guys several more years until you realize you don’t need her approval for your actions and reach out to me. I’m patient and will wait for you.

Lucia, you are 14 now. I remember that age. You are about to start high school. When I was your age I made friends with a bunch of upper classmen. They all seemed so old. My nickname was “Munchkin”. I doubt you are as short as I was at that age given your mother’s genes.  Judging by your brother’s height, you are likely all legs and arms right now and growing out of clothes faster than your mother can buy them. It’s ok. You’ll get through this stage and mature into a beautiful young woman soon.

Joseph, you are 16. I hope you have a car buy now and helping out with the chores and driving your sister to school. You likely feel awkward and out of place. I know I did until I hit my stride around 18. I was scared of  girls and intimidated by most of the other boys. They all enjoyed rough housing and fighting. That just wasn’t my thing. I enjoyed the music and electronics and math. It’s fine to be a geek. You come by it honestly.

Lastly, to both of you. Take your time and reach out to me when you are ready. You can always leave a comment here when it’s time. I’ll be waiting.

Love,
Dad