Markus Randel's Blog

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

When I was your age currently, there was a wonderful sitcom I used to watch… Mork and Mindy. The main character was portrayed by Robin Williams.  His sense of humor was incredibly fast.

Last night he died. I’ve had tears in my eyes since I heard. He battled the same demons I do. Depression and addiction. His demons eventually overtook him.

It scares me.  He is possibly one of the most brilliant minds of my time. It terrifies me. I spent two years wrestling after I lost you two from my life. The loss of you in my life has had such an amazing impact.  The remaining six years were spent balancing a fine line of sanity. I’m not sure a reunion would resolve that pain for any of us. This is going to take time.

But, I will make you a promise.  I will be here.  I’m not going anywhere soon.  God gave me this life and I’ll value it.  I’ll be here waiting for you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Every morning on my way into work, I stop by a store and get frozen yogurt with fresh fruit. I’ve made friends with Jeremy who works there.  Today I learned he just recently found his father over Facebook. I pulled over after I left the store and just cried. It can happen.

Get angry at your mother.  Ask questions. When you finally aren’t satisfied with her answers… I’m out here waiting. If you don’t like my responses, there are a whole host of people that will answer your questions.

I’m so full of hope this morning.  If a child abandoned at the age of 1 can find his father, I know you can find me.  I try to make it as easy as possible.   Just look.  I’m here.  I never left you.

Love,
Dad

P.S.  Today is Papa Gene’s birthday.  First one I haven’t got to tell him in person since we reconciled.  I know he is with me/in me/part of me.  We are reaching out to you to seek answers.

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I had another nice weekend.  I rode the train again Saturday morning down to Fort Worth.  Rick, the friend I told you about previously with the estranged daughter, rode over with Michèle. We ate lunch at Smoke, a barbeque place in Dallas.  I thought a lot about Grandmother Randel during that lunch.  I had cheese grits, brisket, and bread and butter pickles.  I haven’t tasted pickles like these since when she canned them from scratch in Missouri.  They also had a horseradish sauce that reminded me of Papa Gene.  He loved horseradish.  Overall it was a pleasant day.

Saturday night, I fired up the Weber grill and cooked burgers and brats.

This weekend, it was Rachael’s turn to be sick.  She felt so bad. Melynda moved up to Norman over the weekend and didn’t feel any better, herself.  I was able to stop on the train trip back up to Oklahoma City and help her out a bit.

Sunday morning, I worked on the pool a bit more (as always) and Zena came over for some technical help.  We chatted for a while and it was nice. Afterward, we sat back… watched a movie… swam in the pool and relaxed.  The train trip back was bumpier than usual due to some track improvements, but still a lot better than driving.

So, I’m back in Oklahoma City for another week.  I think about you guys every day and look forward to the days coming when we can be back in touch.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

While I was on break this morning I got a very pleasant surprise.  Someone had left their Coke can on the table.

Joseph, I used to always call you “Buddy”.  (sigh) You will always be that.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Today is a tough day. I’m hard pressed to be at work today.  But I didn’t want today to pass without just letting you know I love both of you with all my heart.

Love,
Dad

P.S.  A fun picture from Amsterdam…

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’m guessing something… you both feel like you are different than everyone else. Well, you are.  You are both brilliant, attractive and special. Those attributes tend to scare people.  I point this out so you don’t beat yourself up.  Remember, an IQ of 100 is the average.  You are both well above that scale. I had you tested.

When other people are aware of your intelligence, they use intimidation to attempt to level the playing field. Don’t accept it. Just know you have a fantastic heritage full of brilliant minds you come from. Your grandfather helped land man on the moon. Your great-grandfather helped invent the modern Air Force. Not to mention your own father who has a few patents and other accomplishments.

Live this life fully. Don’t be afraid to excel.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

As I’m going through my emails and getting started this morning, I put on the soundtrack to Rent.  Two songs came up that mean a lot to me.  The first is “Life Support”. Here are the lyrics:

Look, I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I’m used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don’t know

Because reason says
I should’ve died three years ago

There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss

No other road
No other way
No day but today

I nearly died after after I lost you guys.  I spent a week in ICU.  Michèle can tell you more about it than I can.  My memories are quite sketchy during that time. She came to see me every day.  The lyrics of the song mean so much because of my constant struggle with faith and support groups. I survived, but I’m still looking/seeking for answers.

The other song is constructed as a round.  It’s “Will I”.  I tear up every time I hear it.  The hardest thing for me to do is ask for help.  And when I do, I feel incredibly weak.  But I’ve learned there are times I have to reach out and ask.

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Both these songs mean a lot to me.  I hope you can find the soundtrack, movie or see the stage show.  I have them all in my library.  I would love to sit on the couch and watch it with you two.  You will likely get irritated that I’ll sing all the songs.

And as always, I love you Joseph and Lucia.  You are the gems of my heart.

Love,
Dad

Dear Ms. Baker,

I am Joseph Randel’s father. To the best of my knowledge, you are his drama teacher. Without going into too many details, his mother (Mary Randel) sought to prevent me from ever having contact with either him or his sister (Mary Lucia).  Please let me emphasize, that is not my objective with this letter. My only concern is their wellbeing and making sure they are doing OK and well adjusted.  It was through a loophole in the legal system and manipulation on Mary’s part that I am unable to contact either of them directly. With the amount of time that is passed, I am resolved to waiting for them to reach out to me and ask their questions. And until that time I wait and watch.  I write to them every day and share that here in my blog in the hopes they will find me by a name search (it’s now at the top of Google).

My only objective is to possibly hear a snippit of news about their characters and behavior.  I don’t even have a picture that’s newer than 8 years old.

It is likely you have been told by either Mary or someone else that I am to be avoided or report any attempt on my part in contacting you.  I ask you to consider what evidence you have been provided besides hear-say.  There are no documents specifying I’m not allowed to monitor their scholastic progress or communicate with their teachers.  On the contrary, I have several documents exonerating me from any accusations ever made.

The entire story is too involved for a venue like this, but I reach out as a father who is estranged from his children.  Please read my blog to understand my perspective before performing any actions that might only make the situation worse.

If nothing else, help them and encourage them to grow and seek truth. Please give them the love and guidance that I am not allowed.

Sincerely, Mark Randel