Markus Randel's Blog

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I took the Heartland Flyer down to DFW last weekend. It started out at the station in Oklahoma City.  My roommate dropped me off first thing in the morning Saturday morning.  It was so much nicer than staring at the back of my windshield for 4 hours.

Michèle picked me up in Fort Worth and we had lunch at the Mellow Mushroom near the TCU campus. They make wonderful pizzas.  I worked at a project in Albany, Georgia when I first discovered their pizzas.

I made a tasty European dinner Saturday night with aged cheeses, imported olives, hummus, and English crackers.  The horseradish cheddar was great.  I found olives stuffed with garlic and blue cheese.  We just stood around the kitchen island and nibbled.

After that we just spent all our time in the pool. I caught another dragonfly on my finger.  It was cool when Michèle held up her finger and caught her first dragonfly.  The smile on her face was beautiful.

We did the same thing on Sunday.  For breakfast, I dashed off to Starbucks to visit with a dear friend (Zena) and brought back coffee and smoothies.  I’ll have to tell you all about Zena in a future post.  She is a fantastic young woman I met while working at Starbucks. She is a rare person that deserves notice. For breakfast, I made toasted bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon sprinkled with fresh dill.

We watched Grand Budapest Hotel.  It was an enchanting movie.  There’s a bit of harsh language, but the cinematography was unique and the plot is very enduring. I took advantage of a lazy morning to take her car to the shop for repairs and fill the tank.  When I was finished with my errands, we floated about through a lazy and hot Sunday afternoon.

We eventually raced back to Fort Worth so I could catch my return train.  After Michèle got home, she sent me a few pictures that made me a bit sad.  The one to the left of her foot was her reclining back at the pool as the last of the sun was setting. The one to the right is a picture of my chair that is empty.  Kids… when you find the person that loves you unconditionally… without restrictions… just an appreciation of who you are… give all you have to be with that person.  Papa Gene always preached the 60/40 rule.  If you give  60% into a relationship and the other does too, it creates a strong marriage. I have that now.  And I have enough love to overflow to those around me (you two for example).

Once I got to a stop in Ardmore, I sent a selfy to Michèle.  Just as I was entering the Arbuckle mountains, there was a river next to the tracks. It was beautiful to see the sunset over the vista.

It was a wonderful weekend and I recorded as much as I could for you guys. I have many more pictures I’ll share with you when we see each other.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

When I was about 5 years old, Papa Gene’s mother came to live with us while we lived in England. Not long after that, my half-brother Gary also came to live with us.  Because it was base housing, space was spare, so I slept on a cot in a room with Grandmother Randel.  Every night when I laid down she would tell me about the sandman and gently touch my eyelids.  It really felt like sand gently spread on my eyes and put me to sleep.

Geraldine (White) Randel was her name.  She was born in 1911.  Her life was full.  She married Hirum (Hi) Randel and joined him travelling all over the Midwest in a flying circus.

There is a quilt on my bed at home in Richardson she made.  Next time I’m there, I’ll add a picture to this post. I keep it folded and at hand for when I feel bad or lonely.  As with Mama Mickey and Papa Gene, Grandmother Randel was a great influence on me in my youth.  As a result, the traits and personality live on through both of you.

And to lighten the mood… when I lived in Peculiar, Missouri, Mama Mickey made Martin and me a great salad for dinner.  When she shook the dressing, the lid was loose and came off.  There was a quiet moment as we watched oil and vinegar drip off the ceiling. Then the laughter erupted… all three of us. When Papa Gene came home, he thought we were all nuts, but we just couldn’t quit laughing.

As always, I miss you two.

Love,
Dad

Update: Here is Grandmother Randel’s Quilt

Grandmother Randel’s Quilt

Joseph & Lucia,

I am your aunt! Mary’s sister. We are only 18 months apart she and I yet I haven’t heard from or spoken to your mother in many years. She estranged herself from our family. She did not come to the funeral when our father died. He had over 200 people at his funeral.

Our mom, your grandmother, lives in Beaumont and I go see her often with my two kids…your cousins Caleb, 19 and Brenna, 17. Right now we are in St. Thomas on vacation and we are having a blast. Some day, I hope we will all get to see you again. I’ll post a picture later so you can see what they look like. You guys, and Caleb look like the Foreman family. My daughter Brenna favors her dad’s family

Aunt Trish,

P.S.  This is Dad.  I found a picture of all four of you on the one rare occasion you guys met your Aunt Trish and Caleb and Brenna.

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’d like to share about a friend of mine. She is on Facebook and would gladly share with you about everything that happened since the events of 2006.

Meet Amanda Taylor. She lives in Australia. Because of the time differential, we would spend many late nights singing music and talking over the internet. We also had many adventures visiting chat sites all over the world and made a lot of other friends from several countries. She was one the first people to encourage me as Michèle and I got to know each other.

Amanda was there for all the hard times I went through while I searched for you. She has a son and daughter that I would talk to also. I still remember watching them do wild acrobatic moves in their living room. All the while I would wonder how you two were doing. Amanda comforted me in my tears, cheered me on while singing, and challenged me in the “Um” Olympics (I’ll teach you that sport). She is a wonderful friend. She promised me she would answer any questions you have when you are ready.

If you are hesitant to talk to me first, you can always reach out to ANY of my friends first. Here is a list of how to reach some of them:

Your step-mother Michèle Geller: https://www.facebook.com/michele.geller

Amanda Taylor: https://www.facebook.com/100007497547101

Your Aunt Trish: https://www.facebook.com/trishforeman.bales

Your Grandmother Linda Geller: https://www.facebook.com/linda.geller.37

Sherry Mecalf (Russell): https://www.facebook.com/sherry.metcalf

And as always, you can reach me at https://www.facebook.com/markus.randel or markus.randel@live.com

Addendum:

I got these messages from Amanda and Sherry after this post…

From Amanda:

I will never forget this promise to tell them how much there loving father rippled in and out of depression after they were ripped from his life. How Mark always remembered to mention them and make comments about them during every celebration. Mark mentioned Joseph & Lucia every time we talked. And not only did I see the hurt inside him, I felt how the tears would fill not only his eyes but his soul. Joseph and Lucia, I hope you can put aside all you have been poisoned with and listen and read with an open heart and mind. You both deserve to know how amazing and loving your dad and family are, and just how much love and happiness have been stolen from you over the years.

From Sherry:

No problem! And make sure they have my email too, If you need it, I’ll send it to you, Had it forever so it’s not going anywhere! (sherry.metcalf@swbell.net)

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’ll take a break today from my normal letters and attempt to give you an insight into what your father is like these days.  The Mark Randel you grew up with was only a small portion of who I am and what I enjoy.  To my best recollection, while raising you, all my time was spent working, driving, cooking/cleaning, and building houses.  There is so much more to who I am than that I wasn’t ever able to share with you guys.

I spent a bit of time this morning compiling a short (and incomplete) list of the things I enjoy in life:

• Weekends: After spending all week away from the house, I treasure the weekends now more than ever.  Some of my favorite moments involve floating in the pool and just chatting with Michèle about “stuff”. I like to call it “Hobbit Talk”.  The topics can range from world events, to dreams, to you guys, and even to just enjoying the dragonfly sitting on my finger.
• The Moon:  I can spend hours looking up at the night sky.
• NPR (National Public Radio):  I listen to it most while in the car during my drives to and from work.  I’ll also put it on during the weekend at home.  There are so many shows that expose more to life than you can get from anywhere else.
• Lord of the Rings: Ever since I was young, I’ve enjoyed Tolkien’s works in writing.  Peter Jackson did a fantastic job bringing them to the screen, but he had to leave so much of the story out.
• Music: I’m happy with my choices of music today.  My playlist will vary from one day to the next.  I tend to return back to rock from the 70’s and 80’s, but I’m always open to classical, pop, and new musicians that show skill.  I still love to crank a song up and sing at the top of my lungs.
• Harry Potter (and tons of other science fiction/fantasy novels):  I’ve enjoyed reading the novels several times through.  Each time I was in a new place during my travels, I would read them and it would bring a sense of familiarity back.  Of course the movies were amazing and brought the magical world to life.  At least once a year we’ll sit down and do a marathon of all 8 movies.
• Computers: Considering that I work on them for a living, there’s no small surprise I spend a lot of time reading and learning about trends and new developments in the industry.
• Social Media (Facebook): I’m not nearly as active as I used to be, but it’s still a great way for me to keep in touch with family and friends.  Sunday mornings are best because a lot of my friends stay up Saturday night finding fun videos to watch.
• Movies: Between my own collection I’ve built up over the years and Netflix, I have an amazing library of entertainment available.  It is a fantastic way for me to escape into a story and step out of my current day problems.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

In my last letter to you I made accusations that may or may not be self-evident by the time you find these letters.  I apologize.  It is not my intent to influence your emotions towards your mother.  I have no idea what your lives have been like in the last 8 years or how much she has sacrificed for you.  I based my statements on old emotions and that isn’t fair.  The main point of me writing to you is to share my life as it currently is… not to dredge up the past.

I thought long and hard about changing my post, then decided against it.  They were emotions I felt at the time I wrote them and are real.  It was a slice in time of how I felt at the moment I was writing to you.  I’m not perfect.  But, I hope I can find my faults and make up for them.

Back to the present… I’m back to Oklahoma today.  Like I told you yesterday, Michèle was ill this weekend.  Last evening, I was about a mile from the house, when I decided to turn around and stay there last night.  I just now pulled into work after leaving at 3 in the morning.  It was worth it to make sure she slept well and was looked after.  I hope you can both find a person like this in your lives one day.

I was contacted by a childhood friend of Michèle’s yesterday.  She lives in The Netherlands and has been following these letters. She recommended my retraction I started out with in this letter today.  It was a level of honesty I both appreciated and needed. It was also fun to listen to her and Michèle reminisce about their adventures when they were children.  If I haven’t let you know before, there are hundreds of people that read these letters I write to you every day.  I’m always hoping just one of them will be one of you two.

Well, I should get to work and write some software.  Always know you are forever in my thoughts.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

After a long time away, I was finally able to come home to Michèle in Richardson.  It was just in time.  She’s suffering from strep throat, so I’m spending the weekend taking care of her.

Yesterday, I had a friend over.  He has a daughter Rachael’s age and they are very close friends.  She’s having a real hard time with her parents being apart.  It is a very similar situation to what I’m going through with missing you two.  We decided it would be a good thing to get together regularly.  If there are more fathers around having a hard time missing their children, they can come too.

This is the best way I can deal without you in my daily life.  I try to go to work everyday and take care of those around me, but it’s still really hard some days.  When your mother made the accusations…  a part of me died.  I really want you to ask me one day.  I have all the records and medical findings.  I’m afraid you have been raised on a huge lie and only time and patience will eventually smooth it over.

Right now, I have Casie Anne on one side of me and Snoop (our cat) on the other.  Michèle is quietly sleeping.  I wish I could, but I don’t.  Maybe it’s that type-A personality I’ve always been told I have. I’m afraid you will both inherit that and I’m only half sorry.  It is a great tool to exceed in life. But, sometimes I feel like a candle burning too brightly and will soon extinguish.

Use your minds.  You are both very smart and gifted.  Use logic.  Question!  Ask Why!  Find answers.  Seek solutions to problems.  Don’t settle for the repeated stories your mother tells. I want so much to share with you what I’ve learned over the years.  Your gifts will take you far, but never forget… the more you learn, the more you realize your own ignorance.  It’s humbling.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

There is so much I want to share with you. While I was with your mother, I limited myself. But now, I sing, create and write. I’ve created so many things while waiting for you two.

A creative soul is a good thing. Your new step mother, Michèle, is incredibly inventive and wonderful. She will be the one to help you transition back to having a father again.

 I’ll wait for you to find me.  Please search for the answers.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Good morning! I’m eating my breakfast and thinking of you two. Every morning I get a frozen yogurt with fresh fruit. I’m trying to be healthy so when you find me I’ll be there for you.

It’s tough to get back into the daily routine after the time I spent in Europe. I miss the hugs and kisses from the family there.

I hope when you find me I can introduce you to some wonderful music. Your mother didn’t approve of my choice of music. There are some fantastic musicians out there that I’m sure you would enjoy listening to.  I have a collection of 30,000 songs. I’m sure you would find something in there that would mesh.

I miss you, Joseph. My firstborn son. I’ll never forget that first look you gave me when you were born.

Lucia, you were always so strong. I hope you see past the stories your mom tells you and look for me.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’m back in Oklahoma and at work after a long time away.  The last leg of my flight was a bit awkward.  I sat next to a VERY large guy who was a football coach.  The plane was very small so we became close friends quickly. (we didn’t have much choice)  There was a baby in the row behind me, but thankfully he was well behaved and only cried once during the 2 1/2 hours we were in the air. 

I’m extremely tired today and will likely leave early from work. Changing time zones is extremely difficult.  Especially if you are crossing 7 in one day. 

I brought back a Euro for each of the guys in the lab.  They all were surprised and appreciated them.  I’ll keep the rest of the coins I got from Europe for you guys.  There’s also a large collection of rare coins I inherited from my father I plan on sharing with you one day.  Some of the coins are from the 1800’s. 

Well, I need to try and get a little work in today.  I miss you both very much.

Love,
Dad