Markus Randel's Blog

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’ve been thinking a lot about you two this morning. I look forward to the day we can have daily conversations again. I want to know all about your daily lives and events going on.

I finally finished a battery of experiments on Cell 5.  They were extremely difficult due to the low water flow that was required. I ended up running the last three manually. My control algorithms just couldn’t keep the cell stable. I’m waiting for the technicians to switch out the units and I’ll do the tests again.

I’m hoping to go home this weekend, but the weather isn’t looking favorable. Looks like I’ll be dodging tornados as I make the trek to Richardson. I missed going home last weekend, but it was all for the better. The weather in Dallas was really bad. It seems that is all anyone talks about anymore. It’s been really nice up here that last few days, but it’s about to take a turn for the worse.

Michèle and I are trying to come up with ideas for a summer vacation. I’m not sure where we want to go.  I’d like to do something new. The beach is always inviting. I sure wish I could stop by Woodville and take you guys with us where ever we go.  I doubt that could happen. Maybe your mom will take you guys somewhere this summer. I like to think that.

Until then, I’ll be waiting.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

May is full of significant days. Today is your Uncle Martin’s birthday. We haven’t always gotten along, but he is my brother. Out of my core family I had growing up, he’s the only member I have left. So, I sent him a message. I hope he enjoys the day.

I had a quiet weekend. The storms weren’t nearly as bad as predicted. They were worse in Texas. I’m glad I didn’t make the drive. I finally had time to unpack all my bags and hang up all my clothes and sort my room out.  I even enjoyed a few films. I went to see the Avengers (again) and enjoyed it more this time now I knew what to watch for. I sure wish I could share that with you two. All the comic book movies that have come out… I read all of them when I was your age. I have a huge digital collection that I’ll share with you one day when you guys are ready.

I’m back at work today and having a hard time with my experiments.  The test cell just isn’t wanting to stay stable.  I haven’t cooked anything (yet).  It’s just frustrating trying to squeeze a test in before it goes out of whack. There’s an old timer here (Joe) that’s been trying to help out, but he’s given up.  There just isn’t enough load on the system for my control algorithms to work.

Sorry for all the geek talk and complaining. Just sharing a part of my life with you. I hope you will get to read all these letters one day. Until then, I’ll wait.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’ve decided to stay in Oklahoma for the weekend. I don’t want to be on the highways during the coming storms. We are expecting violent thunder storms every evening through Sunday.  Not good driving weather. Besides, it will give me a chance to come into work Saturday morning and run a few experiments I can’t do during normal work hours.

As always, I’m thinking about you two and miss you. This weekend will be double since I won’t have Michèle by my side. This weekend is mother’s day, so be sweet to your mom on Sunday.

And as usual, I’ll be here waiting to hear from you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Yesterday was very interesting. Due to bad weather, the whole company shut down early. It took me an hour to get to the house because all the other companies in OKC did the same thing. They don’t take tornados lightly up here.  A super cell stalled just South West of the city and start spawning tornados one after the other. Nobody died, but several people were injured as their cars were flipped over with them inside. We also had some flooding.

I got through the storm without incident, but I’m not looking forward to the next few days. It looks like it’s going to be a recurring event for the next several days. It makes life interesting.

Lastly, it’s anniversary day. Oh well. Like I said yesterday, I have very mixed emotions about it. That doesn’t change how much I miss the both of you. I’ll be here waiting.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my marriage to your mother. It was a wonderful affair at a city park in downtown Austin. It was shortly planned, but plenty of people showed up from both sides. Your mother even made me cut and die my hair for the event. (Granted it was really long and black so it was an improvement)

I’m not really sure how I feel about it right now. I still hold a great deal of resentments against her for keeping you two away from me. It’s a very confusing day.

On a good note, I solved another problem at work. I’ve been working on a control loop since Monday that just won’t go on condition. A friend suggested I lie to it.  Taking that advice I put an external load that forced it away from the zero point where it oscillated. It worked. Now it’s just a matter of time to see the results from the 40 tests queued up. (Enough geek talk)

I’m still here waiting. I hope to hear from one of you soon.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Let me start out by saying May the Fourth be with you. I’ve always loved the pun.

It was a very relaxing weekend. I went ahead and got down to Richardson Friday night. That gave me an extra night at home. Saturday morning, Michèle and I went to the Cottonwood Art Festival. It was a bit boring until the bands started. We sat in the shade and listened to some great music, watched people and sipped cool drinks in the breeze. It was wonderful.

Saturday night we treated ourselves to the hot tub and became prunes before we got out.

The highlight of the weekend was going to see the new Avengers movie on Sunday in IMAX 3D. It was packed. Having been raised reading the comic books, it’s really exciting to see it all come to the big screen. I was especially excited to see the Vision come to life as a new member of the team.

I drove back to OKC last night. I really didn’t want to leave. I keep hoping I’ll find a job closer to home. Until then, I’ll keep up the routine. I went to my doctor again today and he was upbeat about my progress. Your father isn’t going down without a fight. I’ve got to stay healthy for when you guys finally reach out. I’ll keep waiting and staying strong.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

It’s Friday and I’m in a good mood. The problems on that test cell I was working on are fixed. It was an extremely illogical solution I proposed, but it worked… much to everyone else’s confusion.  I had a gut instinct and followed it.

Let that be a lesson in life. Even if something doesn’t make sense, if you feel it is the right thing, pursue it.  The same goes with trying to reach me. Despite all the things your mother has said about me, I can’t help but think there is a part of you that wants to reach out. When you do, you’ll find honest answers. You’ll find a loving step-mother that cries by my side when I’m down. You’ll find two amazing step-sisters that will love and accept you. You’ll find a second home.

My bags are packed and I’m headed home for the weekend after work. I’m looking forward to an art festival on Saturday and the Avengers on Sunday. Maybe even some hot tub time. The weather looks promising and nice for the weekend.

So until I hear from you, I’ll keep writing and waiting.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

This has been a tough week at work. I’ve had multiple problems I’ve had to solve. I’ve gotten most completed except for one that is particularly thorny. This has meant I’ve been out in the lab running cables and making jumpers just to figure out the issues.

I’m planning on driving home tomorrow night if I can figure out this problem by then. Let’s hope I can. I really don’t want to spend the weekend in OKC again.

A short note for today, but I’m busy. God bless and I’m still waiting for you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Sorry for the delay in letters. Life has gotten hectic at work with several bugs popping up. I had to get my hands dirty and dig into some of the hardware switching out a chassis. Sadly, that didn’t fix the problem. I eventually switched out the data acquisition system and it finally started to behave properly.

I went to the doctor this week and found I’ve lost another 5 pounds. I’d like to say that I’m consciously dieting, but I’m not. My stress level has been in high gear and my appetite is non-existent. I hope to get back to a manageable weight by the time one of you reaches out to me. You’d likely not recognize me currently. But overall I got a good pass from my doctor. Many of my symptoms are lessening and my meetings with the psychiatrist are helping me emotionally. I miss you both so much it requires this kind of treatment and medications just to get through the day. But I’m getting better. I think it all boils down to what I CAN do and what I CAN’T. All I CAN do is write you letters and wait for you to reach out.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’ve been doing the train long enough between OKC and Fort Worth to get treated to a free ride this weekend. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve been home and I miss Michèle a lot. So I’m looking forward to the weekend.

I plan to cook her a wonderful meal and relax in the hot tub (weather permitting). I need this. I’ve been feeling more and more down recently. I hope this weekend can fix part of that.

I’m proud of both of you. Joseph, being in band is a great experience. Lucia, your academic accomplishments are wonderful. Both of your grades are great. You make me proud to be your father even if I’m not in your lives currently.

Keep up the good work. I’ll be waiting to hear from you one day.

Love,
Dad