Dear Joseph and Lucia,
Today I turned 48 years old.
That’s sufficient for it’s own paragraph. I have the windows open and listening to the birds sing outside. The dog is laying out in the sunshine. The only thing that would make it better is to have you two here sharing stories.
Until then… I’ll wait.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
Big things have happened since I last wrote to you. Management at the company I work for has decided my job is no longer necessary. As a result, I was laid off on Friday. Despite the bad news of being without a job, there are some good results. First and foremost, I moved back home to Richardson over the weekend. I should be ok to keep sending child support checks for a while. I have a bit of a “breather” to relax in my own home after 2 years of living in Oklahoma away from my family I have here.
I don’t have any job leads yet, but today is the first day of my new job search. I have to freshen up my resume and all my online profiles. I also need to look into unemployment and start watching my budget more closely. These are the things grown ups get to deal with.
I hope all is well at home with you and this change won’t disrupt you too much. I know my last time of unemployment likely put you guys and your mother in quite a pinch. I will do the best I can to keep that from happening again.
So waiting now includes a job lead and a message from you.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
I took Dad’s car to get cleaned today. After he died, my other brothers agreed I should inherit it given that I was driving an old beater. It’s a 2005 Dodge Stratus. I am very grateful. It’s great on the gas mileage and looks nice. But it rides so close to the ground, I wonder how my 80 year old dad got in and out of it so easily. I can only imagine him laughing at me from heaven every time I grown climbing in and out of it.
Every other week I take it to get cleaned, vacuumed and touched up. Maybe one day it will be a car you can inherit from me.
I just got back to work after a nice wash. It’s nice having clean things in your life. Ever since your mother made her allegations, I’ve tried to keep my life as clean as possible. It’s really hard living with that kind of stain on your record. Lucia, I sure hope you ask me or Michèle about it one day. You’ll hear the whole story. It makes my heart ache thinking you are under the perception that I’m a “bad man” and you are afraid of me.
I’m sorry for getting so serious. Just know I’m waiting to give you answers to your questions.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
I don’t have much to say today other than I love you both with all my heart and miss you horribly. I’m not feeling very well today and have a lot on my mind.
At lunch time, I think I’ll go by the pharmacy and pick up more candy for the guys in the lab. I keep a box full of chocolates and other goodies. They tear through it faster than I can keep it stocked.
Just remember you have a father who is waiting for you to reach out.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
I went to see my therapist yesterday. All sorts of things came up. I can only imagine what you two are going through right now. I understand why you aren’t reaching out to me. It took me 14 years before I realized your mother was controlling me. Actually, I allowed her to control me. The fault was mine. It will likely take you guys several more years until you realize you don’t need her approval for your actions and reach out to me. I’m patient and will wait for you.
Lucia, you are 14 now. I remember that age. You are about to start high school. When I was your age I made friends with a bunch of upper classmen. They all seemed so old. My nickname was “Munchkin”. I doubt you are as short as I was at that age given your mother’s genes. Judging by your brother’s height, you are likely all legs and arms right now and growing out of clothes faster than your mother can buy them. It’s ok. You’ll get through this stage and mature into a beautiful young woman soon.
Joseph, you are 16. I hope you have a car buy now and helping out with the chores and driving your sister to school. You likely feel awkward and out of place. I know I did until I hit my stride around 18. I was scared of girls and intimidated by most of the other boys. They all enjoyed rough housing and fighting. That just wasn’t my thing. I enjoyed the music and electronics and math. It’s fine to be a geek. You come by it honestly.
Lastly, to both of you. Take your time and reach out to me when you are ready. You can always leave a comment here when it’s time. I’ll be waiting.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
I had a very enjoyable weekend at home. I tried a new route out of OKC and was able to avoid a large amount of construction and traffic. Dinner with the neighbors was nice. We had boiled shrimp and lots of good jokes and stories. On Sunday, I treated the ladies to a crawfish lunch and a Mannie/Peddie. I even got one for myself. My hands and feet have never looked so good. I’m just disappointed Michèle wouldn’t let me get hot pink polish for my toes. About the only draw back was I strained my back at some point this weekend. Standing vertical has become a bit of a challenge. I’m sure it will wear off soon.
As a result of all the fun yesterday, I had a late start on the return trip. I didn’t pull into the house up here until 10 PM. I’m still groggy from the trip. I’m looking forward to the coming weekend. It’s Memorial Day which means I’ll get an extra day at home.
Rachael is done with school for the spring. She’s planning to take the summer off from classes. Her friend Ashley (one of the neighbor’s daughter) is planning to attend some classes at the local community college where Rachael attends school.
And as always, I’ll continue to commute between OKC and DFW. Summer breaks don’t exist when you’re an adult and working. So I will trudge on and keep waiting to hear from you.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
Michèle and I have been invited to dinner to a neighbors house tonight. They are making boiled shrimp. We made a truffle. I spent the afternoon pitting cherries for it.
Michèle sends her love and says hi.
Time to get dressed an pretend I’m an adult. Never be afraid to recognize the youth spirit inside of you. It’s what keeps me going.
Still waiting.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
My bag is packed and in the car. I’m headed back to Richardson as soon as the work day is done. I can’t wait to be with the family.
Some recent events in my rental house brought to mind the events of my past. All I can say is an over-zealous mother can be a pain to deal with. Lucia, I sure hope you will be able to remember what really happened compared to what your mother told you. You are my only daughter and I will go to the end of the world to protect you from any harm. It still knocks me for a loop when I think about what I was accused of. I want to vomit at the thought.
Just know your father loves you and always has and never stopped.
Love,
Dad
P.S. Still waiting.
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
I won’t lie to you. Living life without you two is difficult. There are several groups out there fighting for equal parenting rights. Even if those laws are passed today, I still wouldn’t stand a chance in seeing you because of several reasons. The first is the divorce decree where the judge determined I was only allowed supervised visitations. (And that company is out of business now) The second is I live in Oklahoma now and it would be a logistical nightmare to make the trip to Woodville. Lastly, I have no idea where you two are emotionally and whether or not you would even want to see me.
As I’ve told you before, Michèle knows the whole story. She was by my side from the very beginning of it all. She can tell you what I will likely be too emotional to share. One day, when you meet her, you will love her. She is the most supportive and caring person I’ve ever met. And best of all, you guys get a second Mum. How cool is that? She already loves you both unconditionally.
All I know is I miss you both so much. I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll visit Woodville soon during the summer just to see the town you live in.
Love,
Dad
Dear Joseph and Lucia,
It looks like Michèle and I are zeroing in our plans for a summer vacation. My high school reunion is in July. We are considering spending the week prior at the beach then the weekend at the reunion. It’s been quite a while since I’ve spent a summer’s day with my feet in the sand. The last time we went was to Port Aransas to spread your grandparent’s ashes on the beach. That was in a cold February day. We had plenty of time to just wander the beach by ourselves. It was nice.
Maybe this time the crawfish will be in season and I can get a table full. I’m starting to crave them as I always do this time of year. We are hoping to take the girls with us. They are both getting to the age where it’s not cool to hang out with the parents. I doubt they would enjoy the reunion either. I would love to have you two with me, but that isn’t likely.
Look. No matter what you’ve been told, I’m a good dad. Melynda and Rachael are examples of that. So are you two. Question what you’ve been taught about me. Look for answers to the accusations that don’t make sense. One day you’ll want to know the truth. Michèle and I are always waiting with the answers.
Love,
Dad
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