Markus Randel's Blog

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

A good idea is a hard thing. Before you guys were born, I worked for Compaq Computers.  I had a lot of ideas for new inventions.  I shared them with a guy in marketing.  He kept telling me they wouldn’t work but to keep trying.

After I left the company, I noticed one of my ideas prominently on a Compaq computer. USB and audio connectors on the front of the computer.  I looked up the patent, and sure enough, it was in the marketing guys name.  For the rest of his life, he will gain royalties from anyone using that design scheme.  That was my design. I came up with it when I was constantly switching out peripherals while designing and testing new products. Ugh.

He took another… using a clear panel on the side of the computer to see the internals.  I have no idea how much money he’s made from these ideas.

All this came to mind when I saw that Microsoft has finally developed a virtual reality headset.  This is a concept I stared working on when you guys were young.  I just didn’t have the funds or technology to make it.

Frustrating. At least I have a few patents.

I’m waiting.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

I’ve recently come across a group of people that are active in Parental Alienation. They are looking into introducing legislation at the state level to enforce visitation and shared custody.  I want to help them, but let’s just say the wind has been swept from my sails.

I’ll help them as much as I can with my stories. The pain is too much.  I miss you both so much, it is difficult for me to be reminded that you aren’t with me.  It’s even more painful to think you might be afraid of me.

nuff said.

I’m waiting for you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

After putting away all the presents and ornaments, the house looked like normal again.  I won’t lie to you… all the Christmas stuff was too much for me.  Maybe I’ll enjoy the spirit of the season more if I can share part of it with you two. Until then, I suspect I’ll always lean towards the Grinch side.

Michèle has helped a lot over the past weeks.  With her help, I’m in touch with a few groups that focus on Parental Alienation. I know I’ve already told you, but it is very helpful for me to share with other people how I feel and what I’m going through without you in my life. I keep hoping to see another “ping” from Woodville. That was such an exciting moment.  Please reach out. I know you would love Michèle and your two sisters.

I miss you both so much and am waiting for you.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Another Christmas has come and gone. Your presents stayed under the tree.  I’ve carefully stored them for next year.  I try to stay strong and resolved in these actions, but I still tear up. I make sure they are kept in a place where I can see them when coming in and out of the house.

I’m getting more involved with other parents and children who have suffered from Parental Alienation. It helps me to understand what I suspect you are going through.

Let me say this… I am not “evil”.  I have no designs or plans to kidnap you. I want you to have a healthy relationship with your mother.  And most important, what ever allegations you were told I did aren’t true.

I have a happy home with a wonderful wife (your step-mum). I’ve helped raise 2 amazing girls who are headstrong and stubborn. I just hope that a reunion won’t be devastating to your mother.  I’m not asking you to pick sides. The last thing I want is for you to feel alienated by either of us.  Just know my love for you two is unconditional.

Just know I’m here.  Waiting.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

It’s Thursday.  I don’t have much to say. I’ve started blogging on my other site (livinglifebetter.wordpress.com). I figured my letters here should just be for you two.

I think about you often and wish I could be part of you lives.  At least I have Melynda and Rachael to be a father.  It’s a challenge being a step-father.  I have to rely on Michèle’s decisions on most of the big matters. It’s hard, but worth it.  Rachael finally started referring to me as her step-father. I took that as a big compliment.  Melynda has softened up too.  It’s an honor to call them my daughters.  As is the same honor to call you my children despite not being part of your lives. I only hope that these letters will find you one day and you’ll know that you two have been in my life every day.

Until you find me, I’ll be waiting… as always.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Today is Michèle’s birthday. I sent her a gift certificate and a dozen strawberries dipped in chocolate.

I can’t help to reflect on all the birthdays I’ve missed with you two.  The last one was when we built a rocket and a launch pad.  I still feel bad about it. I put an engine in that was way too big for the size.  We never saw it land and it was lost.  Joseph, you put so much work into building it.  I could see the tears welling up, but you held them back. That is my last memory with you. I’ve frequently visited model shops and looked at model rockets since then. I’m considering building one again and launching it on your birthday. This time, I’ll make sure I can retrieve the rocket for the next year.

Lucia, I’m sorry, but I can only remember a ton of dolls.  Sadly, I don’t plan to buy a doll collection.  I’ll have to figure out a special way to remember you on the 29th.  Maybe I’ll find a Barney collection or figure. Lord knows, I won’t do anything related to Dora. (That cartoon drove me nuts)

End result… I’m thinking about you two today and trying to figure out what to do to celebrate your birthdays in the next few weeks. Lucia, you are about to turn 14. You’re finishing Junior High. I hope drama classes are going well. Joseph… the big 16. I hope your mom got you a car. It’s time for you to have some freedom in your life.

I’m so proud of both of you.  And as always, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.  Just let me know when you are ready for the answers.

Love,
Dad

Dear Joseph and Lucia,

Good Morning! I’m glad to say I had a good night sleep last night.  I watched a little football. Turned on the heater and snoozed happily for a good while.  That’s an accomplishment for me.  I haven’t slept well since I’ve lost you from my life.  I’m currently on a few medications that are helping that.

I came across a photo of you (Joseph).  My heart swells with pride to see how tall and handsome you have grown into. I would love to see a better one of you and Lucia.  I miss you both so much.

My latest algorithm for the test cell was successful. This will allow us to upgrade the remaining cells faster. I have a lot of work to do before they can all be established, but it’s nice to know my math works. Never underestimate the functionality of a good PID algorithm.

Well back to the grind.  I’ll be here waiting for you two.

Love,
Dad